Paging all parents! Blue-checked sports writer needs you to stop having kids ‘in the name of earth’s survival’

If you’re friends with alleged New York Times bestselling author and sports writer Jeff Pearlman and you’re expecting a child, you probably shouldn’t tell him about it:

He doesn’t know, man.

Yeah he did. Passive-aggressively, of course.

We’d pay money to see that.

Jeff has spoken, everyone. Are you going to listen?

Guess abortion is the exception to Jeff’s rule about not controlling women’s bodies.

What a depressing lens through which to view the world.

That’s pretty much where Jeff’s at, yeah.

Sage advice. In the meantime: